O.K. So we had our first really big party at the house last night. There were about 50 - 60 people here and it was crazy. Fun but crazy. Being one of the two hosts it took me about two hours to eat the small plate of food I prepared for myself. I haven't greeted, hugged and talked to that many people since our wedding. Not to mention how many tours I gave of the house. I felt like I should have had a bullhorn with me to announce that the next tour would begin in five minutes. Cynthia had her share as well.
All in all it was fun and I would do it again. I can't believe how much food went to waist. On top of the food we had prepared or bought for the party many guests showed up with either more food and or wine. We kept trying to send it home with everyone but there was still sooooo much left over.
Forget the details. When are you all coming to help me clean up?
After leaving for the airport two hours early to beat the rush there was no one there in line. Not at the ticket desk to get a gate pass, not at the security line and the plane coming in with my kids was running about ten minutes late. I was stuck there with about an hour and a half to kill. I don't know how many of you have been to Las Vegas but if you are stuck here at an airport terminal the only thing there is to relieve your boredom are the slot machines taunting you. The bad news for the money suckers is that thanks to the Christmas season I had already been bled dry.
After almost two hours of people watching two children came walking up to me claiming I was their dad. Since I was tired of waiting for my own kids I decided to take the impostors home with me(Just kidding. Don't call the police on me.). It was, as always, great to see my son and daughter. I haven't seen them since August twentieth.
Because The flight landed around 10:45pm Vegas time and the kids being both wired and hungry we didn't get to bed until after 2:00 am this morning. Tonight, however, their butts were asleep just before nine. I must say it is both a weird and great feeling to be able to tuck them in and peak in on them later. I want this for Cynthia sooooo damn bad! My kids love her more than she thinks and I wish all three of them to be closer.
My parents didn't have a whole lot of money when I was young but we never knew it as kids. My mom could, and still can, stretch a dollar farther then most people I have ever met. One day my mom had some left over macaroni and cheese from the night before and her kids were hungry for breakfast. With no money to spare she couldn't waste anything so she mixed the macaroni in with our scrambled eggs. Little did she know her children would think it was one of the best tasting meals we ever had. We thought we were being spoiled by this unusual creation and we requested it often. To this day I can't see macaroni and cheese without thinking of it and looking forward to breakfast. In fact, after introducing the creation to Cynthia she actually asked me to make it for her tonight. Mind you. I don't usually cook at all. Try it. You'll like it.
All the little things that had added up to one BIG stress ball are finally coming together. We got our blinds in our house(no more sheets and paper on the wall), the rest of our furniture showed up in one piece(now our entertainment center is complete), we had an alarm system put in the house(safety and security for this household is a must), my "to do" list is getting smaller(an eraser sure helps) and taking a break from the whole fertility thing has allowed Cynthia and I relax more and just be with each other without an agenda keeping things from being natural between us. Wow! Say all of that in one breath.
Anyway, things are slowly but surely coming together.
Man are my emotions going every which way but loose! We just found out that, for the second time, Cynthia did not get pregnant. It is so frustrating, sad and disappointing all at the same time. It KILLS me to see someone I love and care about as much as I do my wife so devastated. She called me at work to tell me the negative test results and I really felt for her. I wanted to telaport myself through the phone to hold her and let her cry on me like no one could ever know. I mean, I too want this to happen very badly but I don't think that My sadness will EVER be even close to Cynthia's.
The main reasons why I want this for us is because from the moment we started being together I could see how much love, care and heart she had for children. She is someone who's only wish in life is to feel that bond that only a mother and child can have. I said it before and I will say it forever. I would and will be honored to father the child or children that would and will call Cynthia "Mommy".
I also feel so damn guilty because while she is going through all of this my two kids that I have not seen since August 20Th will be here soon for Christmas. I have missed them and I'm looking forward to hugging them. I have tried my best not to talk about them to Cynthia so as not to rub it in that I already know how it feels to be a parent but it is very hard for me sometimes as well. I might be a father of two but it hurts me a whole lot to only see them three times a year. They look so different with each trip and I always miss the in between. Not to mention when I have to do my best to hold back my tears and be strong for them at the airport terminal in front of about 150 people waiting to get on the same plane that will take my kids away from me for at least another three months. Even when they are here I also have to juggle my normal life(work, husband) and make time for everything. Not to mention that each kid wants their own special time with me. Sometimes when the kids go back I just go home and pass out both emotionally and physically(they are on a two hour time difference).
So as you can see my emotions are all over the place. I wish there were two of me so I could separate what I am thinking. Sometimes I think all of this combined is why even though I am not working two jobs anymore I am always so tired.
Sometimes everyone needs a little push in their lives to get things done that you keep putting off. For Cynthia and I it is the fact that we are having the choir's Christmas party here on the 18th and a Christmas Eve/"Come see our house for the first" time party in less than 30 days. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Time to stop looking at things and hoping they will just magically get done on their own. Damn! It seemed like such a good idea at the time.
I personally have a few little projects to get done. I have already started them. I just need to step it up a little I guess. The scrapbook room was the biggest and now that it is done all of the smaller ones are starring at me yelling, "Pick me! Pick me!". I tried the whole cotton ball in the ears thing but it didn't work so I suppose I will have to do it.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I have lots to be thankful for. First of all I woke up this morning which I hear is always a good thing. Then Cynthia bought...I mean maaade me breakfast from Roberto's...I mean from scratch in the kitchen. After that I finished scotch guarding my lounge. It has been around for a long time(very sentimental to me) and after having it reupholstered I wanted to protect it from unwanted dog markings if ya know what I mean. Once I get out my Santa style Snoopy for my rear-view mirror, my Christmas Cd's and my new Santa hat I will be heading for my parents house to help bring out the traditional tree. If I get there too late my dad who has had about three hernia operations will "do it all himself dammit!" because "He's fine and he doesn't need any help." Ya sure dad as you hold your stomach pretending not to be in pain.
Believe you me my dad has enough pride for everyone but ya got to love the man. My mom is the type of mom that just likes to feed everyone. And I DO mean everyone. I guarantee you that when I walk in the door there will be at least one(sometimes two) turkey(s), eight pumpkin pies and massive amounts of whatever comes with a traditional Thanksgiving meal. Last I heard there were only about five people to be there. One day I sprained my ankle so bad they had to cut off my shoe to look at it and she made sure we all had eaten before we went to the emergency room. After we were sitting there about two hours in the waiting room my mom says, "Now. Aren't you glad we all ate before we came here?..." And we were.
I am also happy to say that I have the next four days off! YAHOO!!!!!
2 names you go by:
- Jeff
- Husband or "you know...that redheaded guy."
2 parts of your heritage:
- Spanish
- French
2 things that scare you:
- The idea of waking up with someone standing over me.(an intruder)
- P.M.S. (but not nesasarily in that order)
2 everyday essentials:
- Thanking God for allowing me to wake up this morning.
- My wife and cell phone.
2 fave bands/artists:
Dave Matthews Band
John Mayer
2 favorite songs:
Jimmy Thing
Somethings Missing
2 things you want in a relationship (other than true love):
- Compromise
- Being able to be yourself and not be judged for it.
2 favorite hobbies:
- Playing Drums
- Annoying my wife(also not nesasarily in that order)
2 things you want really badly:
- A time machine
- A new paint job on my Jeep(man it looks bad!)
2 places you want to go on vacation:
- Seatle
- Italy
2 things you want to do before you die:
- Be famous
- Grow old with my wife.(Just think of how much annoying I can do in that amount of time.)
2 ways in which you are a true girl:
- I can't stand spiders!
- I love to shop.
2 things you are thinking about right now:
- "I wonder how many people actualy care about what I write?"
- "I soooo need to win the lottory!"
2 stores you shop at:
- Target
- Boarders
2 people guaranteed to make you laugh:
- Me! Damn am I funny!
- Steven Wright
I guess I tag...all of you who haven't been tagged!
The craft-room is finally done! It has taken a while to accomplish because the hardware that I insisted on using took a long time to get here. It was worth it because it is Schulte which is many times stronger than that Closet Maid crap Home Depot and Lowe's sell. If I was going to do this I was going to do it right. The only thing there is left to do is to build a cabinet to put in the closet area so she can have a nice place to press down on her scrapbook thingys and cut out all of her shapes. I have no idea what they are called but I'm pretty sure you all do. I think they are called quick cuts or something like that.
Anyway, it is nice to see my woman smile again even though she is now feeling overwelmed about deciding where to put everything. She now has over twice the space and shelving to work with. I have to admit...I AM kind of proud of myself. I don't have even a quarter of the creative talent that Cynthia doesn't even see that she has but I can at least be a small part of the process.
I would like to explain myself because I was informed that something I wrote on my last post was not as clear as I should have made it to be. I made a comment about teenage sluts not being able to keep their legs closed. I stand by that statement and I will clarify what I meant by it.
I fully understand and believe there are teenage girls out there having sex with someone they truly are emotionally attached to and believe their partner is on the same mental level with them. These people are NOT sluts at all and are not in any way whom I was referring to. However, there ARE teenage girls out there(adults as well)who have zero problem sleeping with as many people that are willing to sleep with them. They are in it strictly to feel all of the pleasure of the act but can care less about the possible consequences. They have the "as long as I am having a good time who cares" attitude. Some girls(adults as well)use abortion and or even the famous "morning after pill" as their form of birth control. These people make me sick! Especially when here we are trying so hard to conceive a child.
I am hoping that I have clarified things for anyone of whom I offended. Especially to Mindy. I did try to also write to you personally but something on my computer wouldn't let it go through. I would also like to thank you and everyone else for your kind words to both me and my wife regarding our situation. It always helps to know there ARE people out there that do care.
I am sorry if I upset anyone.
